Multiple Truths - Viera

Multiple Truths
It won’t come out. I’ve tried everything. Hot water, scrubbing, soaking, the works. I can’t get it out. I’ve scalded my hands trying to wash it away. Red hands, red carpet, red clothes. Why can’t it just go away? I haven’t tried Oxyclean, but is that how Billy Mayes died? I don’t remember. People of our social standing did not keep Oxyclean in the house anyway. Better not risk it. If I could just go back, maybe it would be different.
I never realized how much he loved me. I just thought I was a convenient wife. You know – of good breeding? I never thought he really loved me. It’s not like he said it. Not once. Then again, how many people from our life were taught how to express love? Few, if any is what I’d bet my, well technically his money on… but he loved me? When did that happen?
The blood, that’s an easy fix to clothes – cold water, soak, repeat. Every little princess learns how to get the blood out when the help won’t. When daddy hurts his princess, or when mommy strikes you a little too hard. When the neighbor calls you a filthy whore, and promises to make you feel the same way. The guilt from him is what is irreversible. I can’t seem to shake this awful feeling. Why should I feel guilty? All I did was cheat. He was the one who killed himself over it. What did he go and do that for? I swear I didn’t know he loved me.
The sirens approach. How’d they find out? Who called them? Who was – Jake. Scared, weak little Jake. I wonder if that’s how he got rid of his guilt. Cheating with a housewife, and calling the cops when the husband dies. Pathetic. He has the physique that models his hobby of running six miles every day, maybe that was why I picked him. Still, I hope he never can outrun his guilt. I blame everything but myself… sort of. I blame his inability to love, but I know I made it impossible for him to tell me he loved me. It is impossible to love a monster, at least that’s what I thought. I start making up a story. From my fairy tale days in a ersatz castle on a cloud, I was quite experienced. I’ll recreate the truth because as for the real truth? That I loved him too? No one will believe it.